


Come to me

by philaetos



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, I’m bad at tagging, Spoilers For King Of Scars, post king of scars, the connection alina and the darkling have in ruin and rising makes a comeback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27024109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philaetos/pseuds/philaetos
Summary: The war is over. The Darkling is dead, and so is the Sun Summoner. Alina can go on with her life peacefully.At least that’s what she thought, until one night she feels the familiar tether of her past connection to the Darkling.
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 3
Kudos: 55





	Come to me

I can’t sleep.

It was something common, a few years ago. I would stay awake all night, breathing in Mal’s scent and looking at the room bathed in moonlight. Nightmares haunted me, back then, so I didn’t sleep. Because whenever I closed my eyes, all I could see were flashes of shadows and quartz grey eyes and a warm voice calling my name. Alina. Alina. Alina. Like a complaint. Like a prayer.

They call me Sankta Alina, but I never felt as holy as when  _ he _ called my name.

But then, with time, the nightmares had stopped. The fresh air of Keramzin, the laughter of the children and Mal’s kisses chased him from my mind. It was a relief as much as it was a grief. It felt like a betrayal, forgetting him. It was egotistic, but I was convinced to be the only person alive who knew him, who he really was. Who he could have been, if he had not been so power hungry. A boy with dreams and a smile brighter than the sun. A boy with a name, one he’d been given, not one he chose. Forgetting him, the darkest, most cruel parts of him also meant forgetting this boy, who had died with his name on my lips.

But it was for the better. I couldn’t live in the past and he was an anchor to it. Forgetting him allowed me to live a simple, pleasant life in the present. 

And to sleep at night.

So when I tried to fall asleep tonight, soothed by Mal’s even breathing and the warmth of his body next to me, and couldn’t, I started worrying. 

It isn’t normal, and I’m very fond of normality now. 

I shift in the bed, my back to Mal, to look out of the window. The moon seems to shine less bright tonight, as if veiled by shadows.

A cold sweat runs down my spine. 

It’s just clouds, it must be.

Still, I close my eyes, so hard I see little bright shapes dancing in the dark, and I try to focus on what I can hear. The wind outside, blowing in the big trees. Mal’s occasional snores. The buzz of the insect that made its way into the room. 

_ Alina… _

My eyes open in an instant and I gasp.

And then I feel it.

The pull.

No. It can’t be. He’s dead. He died in my arms, I saw his body go up in flames. 

But everyone saw  _ my  _ body go up in flames and yet I’m here, alive and breathing.

_ Alina. _

This feeling. That vibration, the tether I used to feel when he called for me. It’s the same sensation, only fainter. 

But it’s not possible. It’s been years. He can’t be alive. If he had survived that day, somehow, I would have felt it, the connection would have never left me but  _ it did _ . 

I shake my head. Our days have been long and rough lately, the children are restless. I must simply be too tired and it makes me vulnerable to my old demons. 

I just have to sleep and it’ll be fine.

So I close my eyes, determined to keep them shut this time. Only seconds later, I feel myself drift away…

_ My darling Alina. Come to me.  _

I don’t know how long I closed my eyes, but when I open them I’m in a familiar room. 

The war room in Os Alta. 

No. No it’s not possible. It must be a bad dream, I’m in the orphanage. In my bed with Mal. Not in the war room with…

“Aleksander,” I whisper.

It’s him. There’s no doubt. It’s dark, I can barely see him but I know it’s him. I can recognize him in the dark. 

I’ve known him in the dark. 

I’ve loved him in the dark.

“Hello, Alina.”

This voice… Through our connection it was barely a whisper, but now I can really hear it, ringing in my ears, warm and sensual. 

“This is not real,” I say, but I don’t believe it. “You’re dead.”

I feel the air shift behind me and then I’m surrounded by shadows. It should feel cold but it doesn’t. It’s hot, as hot as his breathing on my neck. “Yes, I’m aware that you killed me, moya solnishka.”  _ Moya solnishka _ . My little sun. Is it what he would have called me if… “Very bold of you. I wasn’t sure you would have the guts.”

“I had to. You would have killed my friends. You would have destroyed everything,” I snap at him.

I can’t let his smooth voice and pretty words go to my head. Not again. I’m not the foolish girl I used to be.

“Oh, Alina. How much I missed your fire. And you, did you miss me?”

“Shut up. You’re not real. It’s just a bad dream.”

“It was never real for you, was it?” He’s in front of me now, close enough that I can see the grey of his eyes, the elegant line of his brow, the tempting curve of his lips. “It was for me. It always was.”

It was real for me too, I want to shout. I don’t. I won’t give him that, I won’t be so weak. 

“It’s not a dream, Alina,” he whispers, and he reaches out, his hand brushing my cheek. I can’t help it, I lean into the touch. The shadow of a smile grows on his face. “You couldn’t feel this if it was a dream.”

I know and I hate it. I hate what it means. It’s not possible.  _ I killed him. _

“I can almost hear you think. You’re wondering how I can be here, aren’t you? It’s simple, really. I never died.”

“Yes you did. I saw it, I saw the life leaving your body. I saw them burn your body. You’re  _ dead. _ ”

“My body died, yes. But not my soul, Alina. The Fold kept me alive. All I needed was a body, and someone to help me inhabit it. Sobachka and this dear Zoya helped me accomplish that.”

“They would never help you. They hate you.”

“Oh, they didn’t want to help me. But they still did. They brought me back, Alina. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m  _ real _ .”

His hand on my cheek drifts, his fingers holding my chin carefully, angling my face up. His touch is so soft. 

As cruel and violent as he could be to others, his hands were always soft when they were on me. 

“Are you really? Real?”

“As real as I can be. Do you think our connection would work if I weren’t?”

He says ‘our’ like it’s the prettiest word in the Ravkan language. 

“Answer me, Alina,” he says.

He is close. So close. I can feel his breath on my lips. 

“No, it wouldn’t.”

“You’re right, it wouldn’t. Are you sure that I’m alive now, or do you need convincing?”

He leans in a little bit. He is close. Unbearably close. My whole body feels hot. He has this way of setting me ablaze. His darkness brings out the light inside me that I thought long gone. 

“I might need more convincing.”

I can barely see his smirk before his lips are on mine.

The shadows around us vanish and it’s only him and I, the sweetness of his lips, the warmth of his body against mine, the lightness of his fingers on my jaw. 

It’s good. It shouldn’t be so good. 

But it was always like that with him. He made me feel things I didn’t want to feel. He attracted me in a way I knew was wrong. I wanted him in a way I shouldn’t. Because he was manipulative, because he was evil.

But he wasn’t just that.

He was also the boy who touched me like I was the most precious thing in the world, who looked at me like I was the sun. The boy who made me feel like maybe I was worth something. 

And now, with his taste on my tongue, I believe this boy might be back.

When he pulls back I desperately want to grab his face, to bring his lips back on mine. 

It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this, the desire running through me, making my heart beat faster and my blood feel hot. 

“Was that convincing enough?” 

I can hear laughter in his voice. I want to punch him.

I want to kiss him until we’re out of breath. 

“So you’re really back.”

“I am. Are you happy about it? Did you miss me, solnishka?”

Yes, terribly. Yes to both questions.

“No. You were better off dead,” I say, moving away from him. 

I have to put distance between us. I can’t control myself when he’s too close. 

“You wound me.” He doesn’t sound hurt at all. He sounds amused, as if he could tell I’m lying.

Of course he can tell I’m lying. He could always read me better than anyone else. 

“Wasn’t your life tedious without me, my dear Sun Summoner?”

The name is like a weight on my chest. I haven’t been called that in years. I haven’t thought about myself as that in years. 

“I’m not the Sun Summoner anymore. I lost my power.”

It hurts to say it.

“No you didn’t. Grisha are born, not made. Our power is part of us, we can’t lose it, or we die. You simply can’t access it.”

“No. You’re wrong. I lost it, it’s gone.”

“I think I know more about power than you do, Alina,” he says, walking towards me. “And I can tell you for sure yours is still within you. It’s simply dormant, like it was before you went into the Fold.”

A shiver runs down my spine, but not because of the proximity to the Darkling this time. It’s true, he knows more about power than I do, than anyone does. So much more. We all thought my power was gone but none of us has his ancient knowledge. 

So maybe he’s right. He’s rarely been wrong, and never about Grisha power.

“Don’t give me hope.”

“You know I’m not like that. I wouldn’t tell you something if I didn’t believe it to be true. I wouldn’t lie to you, Alina.”

“You lied to me, in the past.” The betrayal I felt back then still stings. Without even realizing, I put my arms around myself, like a child. “You told me you wanted to destroy the Fold. I thought you were  _ good _ .”

“Would you have loved me if I were good?” 

I loved you even though you were not.

“Would you?” he asks again when I don’t answer, taking a strand of my hair and wrapping it around his finger. It’s such a mundane gesture, something the Darkling would have never done. I melt.

He makes me so weak.

He used to make me so strong.

“I would have. I would have never left you if you hadn’t fooled me, Aleksander.”

I mean it and I hate myself for that.

I step back, as far as I can until my back hits the wall. I can’t bear his presence, can’t bear his touch. 

Suddenly my wedding ring weighs tons. 

My wedding ring. Mal. I hadn’t thought about him once since Aleksander called out for me.

I disgust myself.

Not caring about my desire to distance myself from him, he comes closer. “Say it again. Say my name again.”

“No. No I won’t say you name, and… and I won’t stay. Let me go, I… Mal…”

I feel him stiffen and the shadows are back around him, shielding him. “What about the tracker? If I recall you stuck a knife in his chest too. It’s surprising you didn’t also stab Sobachka.”

His voice is cold, so cold. 

“He was brought back. He… I love him,” I say with as much certainty as I can. “We’re married, I lo—”

“You  _ married  _ the tracker, Alina? Really? What on earth can he possibly give you?”

“Love!”

“I love you too! I did from the moment I saw you and I will until my last breath!”

I can’t breathe.

It’s too much.

My eyes are blurry with tears and there’s a lump in my throat. 

I barely feel myself sliding down the wall, sitting with my knees close to my chest, hugging them. 

I knew he wanted me, he had made that much obvious but I didn’t think he really  _ loved  _ me. It could be one of his manipulations but I know deep inside it’s not. He’s sincere. You can’t fake the kind of emotion he put in those words.  _ I love you. _

“Just— Let me go,” I say through the tears, choking on my words.

I expect him to fight back. He always did. 

But this time he doesn’t.

“Fine. Return to your tracker like you always did.”

He waves his hand, and the shadows engulf me. The last thing I see before everything becomes dark is the hurt in his beautiful grey eyes.

When I open mine, I’m back in my room, Mal still sound asleep next to me, his tattoo lightened by the moonlight.  _ I am become a blade.  _ The tattoo he got for me. Because he loves me.

_ He loves me. _

But so does the Darkling. 

His voice rings in my ears, faint through the connection, but here nonetheless.

_ Come back to me, Alina. Come to Os Alta, and let me make you the Sun Summoner again. Come to me, my love, and let me show you I can be good.  _


End file.
